The campaign mode isn’t particularly challenging, but there is a slight element of strategy to the proceedings. Split into three stages, the initial chapter is geared toward introducing you to the basic roster of units, while the later stages provide more specific challenges, such as defeating an enemy force with just one unit. Fortunately, the game has a sizeable campaign that tasks you with defeating specific groupings of enemies using a limited budget. Pitting random groups of warriors together is obviously enjoyable, but the novelty of mucking around does eventually wear off. I’d love to see the designers dig deeper into this cartoon element, perhaps adding a few similarly inspired effects or noises. Oh, also, all the units have ridiculous googly-eyes, which turn into little black crosses when they are killed. Other features like the ability to activate slow-motion aren’t strictly designed for humorous purposes but add to it regardless. I especially like the shove of the caveman’s shield unit, which often results in images like this: Moreover, the animation system is tailor-made to generate moments of pure slapstick. The way units grunt and gibber and squeal as they fight adds enormously to the humour, particularly the noise some units make when they die, which sounds very much like this goat. It’s a wonderful comedy engine, and the developers have done a lot to bring out the laughs.
I particularly like the Greek ballistae, which are so powerful that they will instantly whip an opponent entirely off screen, like a cartoon character vanishing in a cloud of dust. Whether it’s seeing a Viking berserker catch a spear with his face, or watching as a cluster of hoplites are scattered like skittles by a boulder thrown by a catapult. And it’s this deliberately elastic physics engine, more than the actual premise of the game, that makes TABS so much fun to play.Īlmost every battle includes at least one incident that will make you honk with laughter. All of TABS’ units are procedurally animated, moving and fighting as if they have rubber skeletons. Once you’ve placed all your desired units, you sit back, click play, and watch the madness unfold. Want to recruit an army of pitchfork-wielding farmers supported by Valkyries and led by Zeus? Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is down with that. There’s no limit on how many units you can place on the map, or on mixing units from different historical (sometimes mythological) eras. The rules for this are slightly different depending on whether you’re playing in sandbox mode or campaign mode, but for now let’s assume we’re working with the sandbox rules of anything goes. Each scenario is primed by selecting units from a pool and placing them on the battlefield by pointing and clicking with the mouse. The game itself plays like weaponised dominoes, in that your main interaction with it happens during setup. While that may sound somewhat counter to the premise, in practice it works perfectly, as that’s the exact state most of these intellectual grudge-match exercises usually arise from. Totally Accurate Battle Simulator assumes the default position that every belligerent in the conflict is drunk, staggering around and swiping at one another like middle-aged accounts managers in a pub car park. Want to pit a horde of cavemen against a few plucky Vikings? No problem! Thirty hobbits versus one mammoth? Weird, but okay. Want to know who would win in a battle between medieval knights and Greek hoplites? TABS has got you covered. Totally Accurate Battle Simulator allows you to indulge your wildest 'Who would win in a battle between…' scenarios.
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